Tuesday, Aug. 27, 2002 - 7:58 a.m.
Kind of a 2nd entry
I'm not at school. =) I think I've got coughs or is starting to catch my brother's cold.
My mum blamed me for having too long a nap. I said it was only cause I had 2 hours of sleep and she told me I should've slept earlier, but I said I couldn't because I was used to sleeping in the morning. She said it wasn't an excuse and left the room.
She was the one who said, "Next time, you better go to House 5. You know how many people ask me why you don't go there? It's like I'm keeping you as a prisoner so tonight, go to House 5!" And I did. Saw *him*. Liked/loved him. Kept on going, to see him, and to give my mum a better image.
And now my mum says it's not an excuse.
Why am I such a shame to my family? The 2nd last party I went to was a casual one, so when I dressed up casually and walked in my mum's room, the first thing she said was, "You're wearing that? So embarrassing!" and I said, "Well if I'm such an embarrassment to you, maybe I shouldn't go!!" and ignored her for the whole car ride there. Funnily enough, everyone dressed up the way I did.
I don't know what to do. I try to please her but even that I do wrong. I try to do the right thing and it's always not good enough.
Plus, everyone's leaving. It's not fair. Eunyoung...*him* (well he's coming back but I don't know when, I'm suffering enough!). They're all leaving my life. I'm starting to wonder if I should leave, too.
I haven't slept. I stayed up until around 3am, waiting for *him* to come online and start some small talk. Well, he didn't, and I just stayed up, waiting and waiting. I can't sleep when I think of him, and there's no minute I know that he's not in my mind.
I like him, I don't want to not like him, because I've always liked him, but I don't want it to go so far as to not sleeping! I wonder what happens if he leaves!?!
Dear God,
Help me.
Love,
You know who
P.S. On a lighter note, I read this story on Nelly and how the song, 'Splurge' really is about him. I listened to it and a flow of warmth spread all over my body. A lost song found that Mamat performed. =)
