Sunday, Sept. 01, 2002 - 9:20 pm
Kind of a 2nd entry
I hate me. Yeah, I used to say it before, but I had no reason. I fucking hate me. I mean, why am I so cursed to be this stupid girl being just plain godstupid.
Why do I have to take all my problems out on people? Why do people give me problems to take out in the first place? Why am I like this? Why?
Why is it that I'm never pleased? Why is it that I expect so much from one person?
Why do I have to find someone that I like and know that it's just pointless? Why do things have the ability to be pointless?
If stupid things are pointless, does that mean stupid humans are pointless, too? Because if it does, then I'm a stupid pointless human being wanting the ground to swallow her up.
I really really believe that I'm gonna die because of murder, a cold-blooded death, a 1st-degree murder, a victim of 6 rebels I seriously pissed off. I half expect one of them to be my mother.
She almost hit me the other day because I asked her if I could wear silver jewellery. If that's what pisses her off, I wonder what dumb question I'll be asking her that would make her grab a fuckin' knife and slit my throat.
Even my dad got angry at me and that was a serious freak-out because I can't remember even one time when he got mad at me. I can only remember staying out of his way because he "roars like a tiger".
I thought about Eminem's song, Cleanin' Out My Closet and how the lyrics said, "I was a baby, maybe a couple of months. My faggot father musta had his panties up in a bunch, cause he split. I wonder if he even kissed me goodbye...no I don't, on second thoughts I just fuckin' wish he would die"
That guy was so hated and now so loved. I guess I've always been hated. By all my parents. Unless my birth parents died or something, which I guess, is what happened, because my parents start acting all weird around my sister's birth parents and they never act that weird around anyone I know with a last name like mine.
The other day I thought if my life right now is really hell on Earth. I almost expected a demon to pop out of the ground, breathe fire in my face, and cackle, "Congratulations on making it to my kingdom, you little bitch!"
