Sunday, Nov. 03, 2002 - 9:46 pm
Been missing school a lot, what with Grandpa and all (take note that this is my mother’s father that just recently got in hospital and not my father’s father, who is still in Singapore and will be coming back round New Year’s).
My mum’s flight was around 10 and at 8.15pm, she received a call from my aunts telling her the horrific news. My brother found out from my cousin, who knew from godknowswho. My brother just walked into my room, like he was in a trance or something and mumbled, “Jir…Nini meninggal” (which by the way means, “Jir, Grandpa passed away”). Man, did that just hit me right in the heart. And then suddenly it was me who was in a trance.
We had to pick my mum up at 11pm. While we were waiting, my brother told me I had to do my best to comfort my mum and keep her mind off things, tell her not to cry, that she still has our dad, our sister and each other. When she came, she looked pretty much alright, I felt like waving to her because I missed her so much. Then she came out of those glass doors, walked to us, chin wobbled, lips wobbled, teeth showing, and she just collapsed into my brother’s arms, crying her eyes out while my brother’s going, “Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry........”
That was SOOOOOOO awfully sad I cried myself. I hate seeing adults cry, let alone my own mother! I couldn’t bear to imagine getting news that my father died, and I was in Singapore and didn’t get to see him alive…I tried to hold her hand when we arrived at my grandparents’ house but she just shook it off and ran to her mum.
Anyway, been sleeping at my grandparents’ house for the past 2 days (excuse for no entries). I had to actually sleep in my grandparents’ room AND on my grandfather’s BED. It’s quite spooky, I feel like he’s still there, so I leave a little space next to me, because I do believe in spirits and stuff. I mean, imagine, just ‘cause you’re dead doesn’t mean your grandkids can go round sleeping in your beds. But whatever, anything to keep my mum and my grandma company for the moment.
I haven’t been to his graveyard. I couldn’t bear. I didn’t see him get buried, I’d probably jump in after him and yell that they had no right to say my grandfather’s dead and just leave him in a tiny coffin thing UNDERGROUND. I mean, what if he’s alive???? He was just a couple of days ago!!! I don’t believe he’s gone yet, it’s far too soon. I keep thinking he is, I want to tell everybody to dig up his grave and check if he’s alive or not.
Death is so sorrowful.
